Training for labor

Husband and I took our “Preparing for Birth” class, and we actually feel really...prepared. All the other women in the class expressed a fair amount of fear, and maybe I’m just horribly naïve, but I’m feeling pretty good about labor and delivery. I’m actually sort of looking forward to the challenge! We have a birth plan, it’s flexible, we’re practicing, and I feel pretty confident in my baby, myself, my husband, and my awesome care providers. Hey, if our daughter can survive 5 weeks of being continuously scrambled on washboarded Aussie dirt tracks during early cell division and organ development, she can handle a few inches of descent and some rotation. And it will be so, so much fun to (finally!) meet her :)

That said, I plan to go unmedicated. Because I’ve never given birth before, however, the best analogy to the labor and delivery process that I can estimate is a really, really horrific athletic event (like maybe back-to-back marathons) while simultaneously experiencing the mental (and emotional) exhaustion of finishing your Ph.D. In order to do this without drugs, I need some serious preparation.

*Disclaimer: if I have an uncommon presentation or some other complication that results in uncommon levels of pain and distress (I’ve heard a face presentation can be even worse than a posterior baby!), I will re-evaluate. Breech wouldn’t count - if I (or the cephalic version team) cannot get a breech baby to turn, I have no option other than the OR, hospital policy no exceptions.*

Anyway, preparation for the vastly more likely “typical” labor...given my far greater experience with difficult swimming/running/cycling races and practice sessions than with childbirth, I am “training for labor” as if it were an athletic event, highlighting physical fitness and mental stamina. Now, obviously, I can’t really train like I normally would for a big event (although the mental image is quite humorous, at least for me). For example, I haven’t run even once during this entire pregnancy (maybe a good thing? For several reasons?), but I have been reasonably consistent with both walking (thank god for my work commute by foot!) and yoga, with a little elliptical sprinkled in. Time to up the ante, though - 13 weeks and counting! This is the time frame in which I would normally start training in earnest for something like a half-marathon. Every day is now an opportunity to train for labor, and I’m feeling well enough that it’s time to add in more of all three each week (I am still debating about including swimming, which would require additional planning/time/acquisition of at least one new giant swim suit).

Here are some things that my brain is spinning positively, now that we’re in the home stretch:

Simply carrying around all this extra pregnancy weight is essentially the weight vest training that my “certified personal trainer” brother has been harping on me to do for years. My leg muscles are getting so much stronger just by walking around! Climbing stairs! Standing up off the couch! It’s like insta-gym! I’ll be a leg muscle WARRIOR by January!! (I will conveniently ignore here the ongoing ruination of my core musculature, however....)

This one is 65 lbs - hopefully I don't get quite there :)
Any time I’m uncomfortable, I just think of it as a great opportunity to mentally train for labor. Too hot outside while commuting? No worries! Practice relaxation techniques! Getting teeth cleaned at the dentist? Breathe through it! Exhausted? Reach deep, and not for coffee!
Guess who now gets awesome weekly partner massage and counter pressure practice? That’s me! And I get to do it while shouting things like, “I think I’m dying!” “FML!” “Put me out of my misery!” so husband can practice responding with things like, “I’m so proud of you!” “You’re doing so well!” “I love you!” (I *really* hope that I am not this ill-behaved during actual labor, but you know - plan for the worst and all.)

Perhaps TMI, but on the advice of my awesome friend Meg, I am training in one other way as well - the EPI-NO!

Not a torture device, really!

OK, yes, it looks really scary, but I think this is totally going to save my ass (literally, unfortunately). Right now I’m only in pelvic floor training mode (the world’s most efficient Kegels ever), but around week 35 or so, I will launch into “real” training. You can’t buy the EPI-NO in the US because the FDA is stupid (or rather, they think you’ll be stupid with it), but we (actually, husband, in an act of incredible sacrifice because we ran out of time before I had to leave!) picked ours up in Australia before coming home from our trip to the field. Awesomely, the pharmacist guy (yep, a dude) gave husband a 20 minute lecture - in front of the entire store - about the intricacies of how it worked. He said the pharmacist was really jazzed that someone wanted to buy one, because apparently they don't sell that many there. Considering that these things are in super high demand here in the US but nearly impossible to acquire, I think husband should have told him about the opportunities for a quick buck on the US black market!

And on that note, I’m headed off to do some happy prenatal yoga :) Here are some photos of the garden, from beginning to end! Some things grew much better than others, and there will be much revising (and some headstarting of seeds while I’m on maternity leave) for next year!