I have to go review a grad student's paper and write some emails (they are never ending!!!), but I'll give a quick 10 week update. Annika went to daycare yesterday morning (although I stayed the whole time), and it certainly didn't put my mind at ease. Yesterday was a super tension-filled day with wanting/NEEDING to get some work done paired with the stark realization that Annika is way too young to thrive at daycare, at least this daycare, which is a little disorganized. I don't 100% trust them, at least with a baby that is this breakable - although to be fair, I'm not sure that I would trust anyone with that many kids to look after (and they only have 5-6 kids total, and 2 caregivers). The other kids are just so big/old (all 18-24 months, basically) and the providers won't baby wear, which means a 2 month old can't be carried all the time and will basically sit in a crib the whole time. Annika will scream in this situation, which will make it even more challenging to get a bottle into her. It's a completely different ballgame when babies are 6 months+ and can sit up on the floor and chew on some rings or something. One kid there was also
covered in some unknown rash that looked suspiciously contagious. They say that their policy is that none of the kids can touch the babies, but my mommy concern radar still goes off. I need help caring for the baby if I'm to get real work done, and I'd far prefer that care to come from the people who will be her care providers when she's older so that she knows and loves them, but that doesn't come without risk and cost. I guess that going only part-time for a while is the optimal solution here (which is exactly what I've tried to arrange!!!), but they aren't even organized enough to tell me what days/times I can get. Mostly it looks to me like they've promised too many people access to care and I'm not going to get any reliable time at all, sigh. I'm writing this post while bouncing on a yoga ball, which mostly works for quick typing things, but I do NOT feel like that gives me the head space to do any kind of real work, which takes undistracted focus for me (and yoga ball bouncing is decidedly not undistracted). That said, there's just no substitute for one-on-one dedicated caretaking by a responsible and invested parent.
I am conflicted and stressed.
Luckily, the infant months are the only time I really feel acute guilt and raging mommy/scientist conflict. It's worse this time because my work responsibilities are MUCH greater, but it does seem a special kind of hell to make an acutely sleep-deprived mom who nursed ALL FUCKING NIGHT LONG feel like she's simultaneously on the hook for providing high quality science all day while also providing perfect childcare.
Otherwise, Annika appears to be doing well! She has made great strides in both smiling and rolling this week, much to my relief. She has a fantastic personality when she's well-rested :)
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| Tummy time is going SO well!! |
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| Rollin' rollin' rollin'.... |
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| Boom. Smiling on demand :) |
Unfortunately, this week Maya also had a scratch above her eye become massively infected, requiring two trips to the pediatrician and now a 10 day course of antibiotics. She looks horrible, too.
Also, a few other photos from life:
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| Ignore the gratuitous boob shot - look how fat she is! So proud :) |
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| Maya got baby chickies at school |
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| Sister time! |
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| And so we continue with the bottle struggle.... |
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| Modeling one of the new shirts from Grandma Judy |
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Most of my attempts to capture a smile on camera
looked something like this |
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I spend so much time bouncing her,
I have to record some of it |
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| Bubbles - the greatest indoor rain activity for babies |
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